Late Night BUZZED Thoughts

Dear everyone reading this post, I’m pretty buzzed in northern Italy at the moment writing this post. I just met my family from northern Italy tonight (just btw this post is going to be messy and not all nicely organized like my past posts -maybe more like my writing on my laptop) I’m writing this post -which is super irrelevant to my statement about my family I just met; but tonight at a local Chiavari bar my family and I got to talking about,family, and my mom’s side was brought up- my mom’s side of course is sorta a disaster. She turned out real good but the rest of the story is for a different day, anyway my Gigi ( great grandmother) her life was two sides, two guys. The homebody who wanted to drink tea out on the porch, and fix things. Or the longshoremen who wanted to go to bars & party. Of course on hearing thisstory it  made me think of George. I know, Jesus him again? It makes me think how will my life turn out? I have two types of men, I guess my ideal man the first type or the bad boy who wants to go to bars & party aka Georgie. I love Georgie. I don’t tell him things like that anymore. I feel like it’s better this way now, to go back to how it all started this way, to not say anything, to not have him feel powerful and take the love in a certain way, to a certain advantage to him. I feel like he cares a lot too but he’ll use what he can to his advantage because that’s the type of lifestyle he’s been living for so long, it’s ingrained into him. To just automatically think like that. 

But I’m scared that if I pick my ideal guy, maybe I’ll never be happy? What if I always miss Georgie, now and forever. What if I pick the wrong choice and end up going back to him. Or what if he's the wrong choice and I don’t go with the ideal choice and get myself into a bad situation? That's the question? Hah. I’m so buzzed sorry if this post is somewhat crazy and confusing, I’m just in the mood to jot down my thoughts. ( currently in Italy- Will be back in America Monday, I miss my friends & Georgie) 

Being in Italy I’ve thought about Georgie everyday. I have no joke had a dream about him every single  night since I’ve been here, always me trying to get to him in a way, because I’ve been here unable to see him, to reach him; well in the way I want. I’ve been dreaming about the day I give you, your present. I daydream about how it would be if you were here with me right now, if we would be sharing a lawn chair on the beach on the Italian Rivera, laughing our asses off about something. Or me standing too close to the pool and you pushing me in. About us hugging and kissing having the time of our lives, you hanging out with my family. You shirtless and sexy af on th beach. You eating dinner with my family. Holding hands & exploring. Makes me feel like you could really be here . I really wish you were. Wish you could be here experiencing these memories with me. 

I know you’re freaked out because some of my family knows what you do, but if you really wanted to be in the picture like I wanted you to; I could clear it all up and they would give you chance,because I would fight so hard for that, for us, harder than I have ever fought for someone in my life. That’s how much you mean to me. But G idk if  that’ll ever be, maybe I’m just daydreaming up some scenarios. Miss you G. Hopefully I’ll see you Monday or Tuesday. Man, I miss all my friends so much. I just want to go out and get a beer with them and have the bestest time ever.

Yours Truly, B. 

OTW by: Khalid 

P.S. new brand maybe coming soon