Part 1: Georgie

Dear Readers, I call this part 1 because I know this will not be the only George chapter. I know this because every time, I think we are finally ending our story, we pop back into each other's life, because who knows if our story will ever be over. (btw in this moment I'm feeling very nostalgic & all hearty eyes for this fool, so reason for this post)

I didn't talk to you for a month and a half. I thought I'd never talk to you again, I was so over you, well to a point; a point where I thought I had a handle on these feelings, I thought I had thrown them in the garbage. But ever since my birthday when I asked you to hook up with me as my birthday present, I haven't been able to get you off my mind since then. The feelings are different than before. I know I love you, and I know I always will. I know you try and push me away because you want the best for me, and you believe it is not you. You don't want me to be involved with your lifestyle,  know you want my happy ending for me. I know I could find a version of that if I really wanted to. I know I go on dinner and drink dates hoping to find something, someone consistent, who will stick around and be my happy ending. But your'e always there, in the back of my mind, your stupid smile, making me smile inside like a fucking dork.

I'm not as attached to you as I was before. I was obsessed. Hoping we could get back what we once had. You put me through so many ups and downs. So many smiles and frowns, and tears, and tears, and tears. So many hopes, dreams, empty promises, white lies, back stabs, but also laughs, intimate moments, hugs, kisses, memories I will never forget. Never in a million years.
I know if we ever ended up together, it would be rough, we would struggle through good times and bad ones of course, but I think I could make you happy right?

Yeah I'm over here at home thinking about you, and thinking of bringing you back something from Italy. A piece of our culture back to you, from the homeland. Most people would be like why?
All I remember from Saturday night was worrying about my period being late, because I know if I got pregnant it would be yours. A part of me was so worried, but a part of me the one who cares a little too much, thought but what if there was a little Georgie, who in nine months would be crying and had entered this world, I would have a piece of you forever. In a weird way that warmed my heart, even though I know my family would chop me into a million pieces. Yikes. It's a strange thought, that I thought I would never feel or think this way.

Well enough of that. . . I guess we'll see if the story continues, I have a feeling it will. I can't not have you in my life some way. A year and a half later and here we are. Tomorrow I'll be leaving for Italy, I'll see you in three weeks G.

Yours Truly, B.


https://open.spotify.com/track/6b9eItYJz3JnX8KyKcHuTJ?si=w1jpWL56RsKf65x0NMiNIg

I wrote this song to move on: disasterology, zeeky