Writing Once Again

Hello readers of the Internet, welcome to my newly revised blog. This blog was originally supposed to be a fashion blog some years back, but has now become my personal blog as of today. I was inspired by one of my best friends to start writing again- about my life that is. She said she enjoyed my very true to myself writing, because it was just me; telling my story. And tonight I felt inspired- mostly because I felt a little down, and that's usually when I like to write. Sorry and no of course this will not be a sappy blog, I promise; but sometimes, hey isn't that life? (Thank you Meg for re-inspiring me) 

      

Once Upon Ago. . . I did have a blog, on blogger. I used it to vent like this. I was in high school, but soon was attacked on here by an ex friend, so I deleted a grand majority of my posts. But here I am again,  6 years later. 

So today was Mother's Day; crazy, hectic, fun, and then at the end of the night a little bit sad...

My day started at 8:30am when I had to wake up to start getting ready for work, you see I work in the restaurant industry, so Mother's Day is the WORST day of the year. Pretty unfortunate, right? Since it's supposed to be a great day; feeling blessed and thankful for our mother's but no, not for us restaurant staff, this day is a shit show. Just think of the busiest day and night ever for a restaurant; hoards of people coming through the door, every table filled, disastrous host stands- papers everywhere, filled reservation list, millions of names on a waitlist. So many angry people, an hour and a half wait, employees sprinting through the restaurant, cussing under the breath because they forgot to put a garlic bread in. That was my six hour shift. I got lucky; I didn't end up being there all night. In the middle of the rush my crush came in- aka my friend/co workers brother. We were supposed to meet up the night before, that didn't end up happening. Which was fine, since I had to wake up early, but I would of went to see him for a bit if he called- because I like him, a lot. It sorta kills me though- I haven't liked anyone this much in a hot minute and later you will read why it kills me and why this is why I cut my feelings off for the last month, and have been playing it cool.  Anyway he called out my name to my surprise, since I was running around like a crazy person. It was Him, and his brothers; Bre's brothers. They were trying to get a table in this uncontrollable chaos. Long story short, they ended up leaving, because this wait was outrageous- which it was. Welcome to Mother's day, aka Shit Show, aka Worst Day Of The Year.

When I got home, it was all good times from there. Hung out with my family, bummed that my little brother was going back home to college early. I guess he forgot some study papers at his frat house, and I believe he had a final tomorrow. So it was just my parents, my Grammy and I. Dinner was nice and casual, we sat outside in my backyard and enjoyed- Ribs, potato salad, asparagus and grilled bread. After that I chatted with my family, told them about my crazy night at work, funny stories, crazy bar stories, and of course my current dates. After my dad had gone to bed early-because he has to go to Atlanta for work tomorrow morning; and my Grammy went home, my mom and I watched a movie. She had already watched it and said it was super good. And super up my alley- it was yes, a corny, cheesy, chick flick. No Judging! It's called The Perfect Date, I believe it's a Netflix original, not positive, so don't hold me to it. It has hot and dreamy Noah Centineo. I'll take him. While we were watching it, I was on and off editing pictures and browsing social media when I stumbled across an ig video of some people I went o high school and middle school with, and noticed the notorious rooftop bar, that only has events every once in awhile. I realized my crush was in it- it made my heart drop for a second, than discovering while I was told one story of why he was busy last night he was doing something completely different. Why I wondered, did he have to lie? Could of said he was hanging out with friends instead of hanging out with his "Uncle"- which is a different story, for a different day. I thought to myself, is he seeing that other girl too? I can't be mad because I am going on dates with other guys too, still it bummed me out. Mostly because currently I like him more than any of the other guys I've been dating recently. I even considered to stop talking to someone who could get in the way of him and I moving forward to anything. Internal conflict now clouds my judgement, and debating if emotional shutdown is the best way to go about this. 

So yes, I am in an emotional pickle. My first reaction was to text my sorta ex who we hangout and hookup every now and then. I finally emotionally shut that all down, it took a year, but I can now go about hanging out with him, with not feeling those butterflies- as much. 

Back to the crush situation, I think I have come to a plan- not set it stone, but a more clear idea.  My goal for tomorrow was to wake up and start working out again. So every morning start this habit once again, don't text him, go on your date on Thursday, hangout with your friends, wait for him to call. Get ready for Europe; do you. This is why I try not to get into the feels this fast anymore, this is why I don't let my guard down and feel. I get like this, bummed out when things go wrong. I just need to shut this shit down, stay busy, and not feel, until he has made the move. I tried my best to hangout -non intoxicated, but I guess he's just too busy. I even tried to hangout in the bars. Whatever, Don't lose sleep, just treat him like sorta ex George. 

15 Days till Italy & Spain trip- Focus on gains, healthy eating, cutting out drinking, saving money, friends, people who try and be in your life. Let's do this B. 

More stories tomorrow friends! Thank You for taking your time reading, I hope you enjoy reading my journey through life and all its ups and downs. 

Yours Truly, B.